WHOO FOOO!!! long time no blog!!! ahhh!!!!!
man the a's are stressful. ohmygosh. its NOVEMBER. everybody. remember.remember. the TWENTY-SIXTH OF NOVEMBER. it's COMING. WHOO FOO!!!.
Safe. i hope. finally. it is coming.after one hell of a whilrwind of a year.
so many things happen.
ups.
and downs. aha. damn.
friendships.
whoa.
must remember. REMEMEBer.
do ppl with amnesia forget their own birthdays?
i know what i want.
i want EMMA WATSON for christmas.
or not.
i owe ado her magazine.
i need to remember christmas is coming.
OI DARCY. you idiot lah you. can you blog for YOURSELF. sheesh. ahaha bastard. tut tut. oh. btw. gd luck. YOU NV REPLY my sms. hmph. some FREND. jaoibqo;iybhqoiyq.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:20 PM UPDATE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Okay... to be completely honest with u.. its been ages ever since it was actually me.. daryl bryan chee wei jing jong jang who actually updated his own blog=) Its been kept alive by ado and a few others.. want my password?? heh heh. Its impossible to deceipher. Anw! I would first like to declare how badly i am gonna fail my mid year exams!
Honestly... i am very used to the system where u take ur mid yr exams b4 u go for holidays so that u can do all the things u wanna do.. after all.. thats why its dubbed a "holiday". Okay.. so we dont take the exams b4 the term ends.. we are supposed to study during the hols. I find that EXTREMELY difficult. Firstly.. the hols is when you go do all the things that u cant normally do during school term like go overseas or go to the beach or camp or blah blah. Okay... this is my june holiday recap.
First week: Term just ended! Time to take off ur socks and just relaxxx... dota and talking to friends help do the trick. There is also a church camp for sat, sun and monday. Brilliant camp that one.. made many new friends.. ALL SMALLER THAN ME!! in age and in height! (sec 2s). End of week 1.
Second week: LEADERSHIP TRAINING CAMP! Now.. this is a week long thing.. so i'll just cramp it all into one week. Now!! i went for this camp last year.. learnt tonnes of stuff... had fun and so i wanted to share this fun and impart whatever knowledge i had. I'm a very people person.. if i was left alone on an island i would die.. or start talking to coconuts. My team "Fan-tastic" pwned everyone during the 20KM challenge.. madness..!!! i havent been to sembawang.. dont think u would want to either anyway.. industrial metropolis.. My teamm.... omg.. made up of CRAZY ASS PPLE who i have come to love and respect. Insisted on joggin all the time.. we were over taken early.. but we kept the pressure.. and a few strategic pit stops (coz there were stations) and we overtook our closest rivals who were 8 mins ahead of us in terms of pit stops... then from there we peeled away from the rest.. A classic=) They made me run... of all things.. but satisfying no doubt.. they'll be great leaders.. i have felt it.. the force is strong in them.
Okay!! Weeko Threeo: Hang on there... i cant really remember what i did during this week... OH WAIT!! I DO!! oh had parties!! and wasted away at home.. exciting no? And THE WORLD CUP STARTS!!
Week 4 and final week: Do u honestly think i can study with the world cup on tv?
That about wraps it up... whaddya think my results will be like? ahahah anw i just wanna let u know that if u wanna make money from me.. or like LEGALLY win money from me.. just make a bet with me.. I WILL DEFT LOSE THE BET. I have lost 95 bucks on bettin for soccer so far. I tell u my luck.. just isnt there right now.. so nows a good time to earn all the money u might have lost back.
Today? today we had a 31st SC and 32nd SC bonding session.. its a new thing.. but kudos to eddie boy who coordinated it. Okay.. i was supposed to play soccer and be in school at 7.30 for warm up and pre game ceremony. I set my alarm for 5 OKAY! its just that.. i killed it when it got annoying.. so yeah.. busy at dream land doing some dreamins all the way till 8 when my dad woke me up... my love, my saviour and my relatively "close neighbour" SUE JEAN summoned me!! I changed and choinged in a cab. Everyone was pretty upset that i was late.. i was a damn bastard la... Okay.. so i got there in a cab.. made the cab driver crazy by making him drive like initial D style. I got there 5 to 10 mins after they started i think. Then soon after i scored the opener with a well timed first time volley i might add after the opp. keeper scrambled the ball away which flew towards me.. before it touched the ground.. i smacked it hard and low.. it went straight into the btm left hand corner... thats a goal i WILL rememeber! Iggy scored a nice goal with a solid drive.. mark p was on fire man!! beautiful goals from him.. scored 5 all together. At half time it was 3-0 to 31st SC. Then we waited for a bit.. then carried on aft the gals netball match. From there... i scored another goal.. the ball was allowed to run towards me.. thru the centre and i tucked it into the bmt right corner of the goal.. pretty oaky goal. THEN THE MOTHER OF IT ALL!! PINOY'S GOAL! I think it was actually a clearance rather than a shot at goal but who cares!! it went in!. The ball was blasted super high into the sky.. but it was going towards the opponents goal where eddie was. The ball dip fast and was GOING IN! Eddie and the keeper struggled to get the ball!! But they just whacked into each other so much so that they completely missed the ball which just bounced in!! FANTASTIC! We conceded a fair bit.. wasnt good.. but ah well.. GREAT GAME MAN!
Then aft that match we choinged down to sentosa!! mad beach day..anw i lazy to cont writings... u justs waits for another times k? ahahha ttttoooodddllleeessss!!!
darcy. [I`m in love.] 9:30 PM
i slept at six am. wonderful sleep. was dreaming of happy thoughts when the most horrible of horrible things happened. my phone rang. i tried to shut it out. JJUST ONE MORE MINUTE, i thought. but no. as phones are apt to do, due to the determined people on the other side of teh line. so, groggily i stumble about (my hand that is) and i grab my phone.
me: Hello? [imagine a really sleepy me answering, hair ruffled (ooo sexy FOOOOOOO! * shakes hips*) and if u cant, ur welcomed to call me at 9.45 am on a saturday. my phone no is 912345678.serious.back to story]
annoying person on the other side: Hello! *me thinks:omg i hate morning people* GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE THE WORLD SAYS HELLO. Are you awake yet?
me: You woke me up.....[still really groggy] *person on other side thinks: duh, the whole point of calling in the wee hours of the morning IS to wake u up.course i(DARCY) dont know that at that point of time*
once again annoying person on teh otherside: wakey wakey time to wake up don't be LATE!!
me: okok. yeah ok. i'll see you at 11. gimme 5 more mins.
annoying person: ok.*cheerily i note. silly morning people* see you then.
me: *mumbling something incohenrent about going back to bed* yeah yeah later.
i put the phone down and go straight back to sleep. well, being me, i wake up much later. i think. i can't relaly recall. anyhow. i panic. i strat thinking. OH SHOOT I NEED TO GET A CAB IM GONNA BE LATE AHHHH!!!!. so im about to rush out of the house and my dad stops me.
dad: where u going?
me: *using the voice wehre im panicky and thinking DONT BOTHER ME* town town.
dad: hey im going to town!
me: * thinking fast with a sigh of relief* u can bring me then?!
dad: sure, only that you need to wait a bi cos im bringing allan as well *allan being our neighbour*
me: sure! *thinking in relief. anything to save money:D*
the time is 11am. on the dot. i get an sms.
sms: DUDE dont stand me up man! im sitting here waiting.
me reply: HOOOOOOO Shit! kk i'm on my way there. Start Studying!
MEANWHILE: ado is happily sitting in coffeebean in taka wondering where the hell everybody is. she stupidly buys a pure chocolate ice blended drink which she forces herself to drink.
back to me.
me send another sms: *being the considerate person i am adn knowing that peopl like explanations*Study! Study! im on my way. my dad is giving me a lift. but i had to wait for my neighbour to come cos hes following my dad. im really sorry... hang on aye?
MEANWHILE: back to ado. she gags on her horrible choco drink and goes and buys another drink. this time. a SNAPPLE. can never go wrong with that.:D she sits and is STILL waiting... when FINALLY someone pops up. Jeremy. SURPRISE! hes here BEFORE darcy.. its already 11.45 by now. both sit there wondering wads happening to darcy.
back to me.
i get out of hte car and make my way to coffeebean.happy happy i walk along looking at teh shops opening.i reach coffeebean and walk in, not seeing anyone.i look aroudn and see ado and soemone sitting on teh other side. so i walk out and that other person turns around. OOOO its jeremy.... haha being me the wonderful oh so great INSUFFEREABLE mr darcy.. i make teh OOOO face and walk right by.. seeing ados exasperated face.turn about and show the heart sign with my fingers. haha just fooling around. all of us are great FRENDS anyhow.:D
so we settle down for many hours of studying. theres alot of reminiscing of good ole st pat days.. leaving ado horrified at guy antics. talking about how jeremy's coffee is actually blended crap.. organic goes rite in comes rite out.. over adn over again. fresh out of the oven. hot and crispy. explains hte presence of all the blenders in coffee bean:D halfway thro jasmine comes arund to wait for her frends.only one comes in the end. she wears this dress and i get thrashed by GIRL POWER on girls sense of fashion. cos jasmine wore a dress adn was contemplating wearing jeans inside. ado on teh other hand just went along and wore a skirt over her pants. cant seem to make up your mind can you? at least jasmine knows she wants to wear a DRESS.
so its 5ish and we leave to go around looking at sport shops. meet up with otehr fellow cj dudes.we go to WATSONS and i buy WILLIAMS CONDOMS for him. we compare prices and flavours and brands and sizes material and decide on LOVE amour one 20% discount off.. in a packet of 3.:D transaction goes along smoothly adn the three of us contemplate the many things that willie might want to use teh condom for... maybe on monday ill say:
let us remember that we are now and always in the most holy presence of god oh and by hte way willie and anne ive got ur condoms here so come and collect them from me later.:D
how embarrassing. if only...:D
we hang about teh aquarium watching this fish who couldnt make up its mind whether it wanted to commit sucide or not. i finally settled on that maybe he got banished to the corner of the tank by the mafia big boss.and he tried to defeat death by heading straight down and turnnig just before it hit the ground. he kept swimming up like he wanted to swim out of hte tank to commit suicide. other wise, he kept swimming up adn down and all around counting the length of the tank.:D
5.35pm.. at the mrt station and ado wants to buy hair rubber bands and me being the great frend i follow. it ends up being 6pm before we finally leave. i cab back with jeremy and now im at home being ONCE AGAIN annoyed by ado. some people never stop talking:D
thats my day.:D cheerios
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:25 PM These are cards you'll most likely never see on a Hallmark...
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:... What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!.... Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful as you.... have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.... After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.... I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.... that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!.... I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,.... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married.... but not to you."
"You look great for your age.... Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.... Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.... So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time.... What do you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you.... It's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.... So we're having you put to sleep."
"Your kisses are sweet, your hugs are passionate.... But compared to your sister, they're only second rate."
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:57 PM Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:53 PM A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:45 PM If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:43 PM
Actual Answering Machine Messages
"A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message."
"Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial-aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."
(Narrator's voice): There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly...the telephone rings! The bathroom e-x-p-l-o-d-e-s into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas, no! His valiant effort is in vain! The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message."
"Hi!...Now, you say something."
"Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"
(From a Japanese friend in Toronto)..."He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!"
"Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. .Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."
"Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."
"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."
"Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
"If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone, you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."
"You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However, our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak
clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you."
"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us."
"Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you."
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:31 PM Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking. The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could walk on water.
His plan? Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist shot down a duck...the dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?"
The Pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?"
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:27 PM
Abbott and Costello on Buying a Computer
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the names Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my names Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend office with windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO; OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1."
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
ABBOTT: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. but its the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It Pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even Part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!|
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off??
ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:14 PM An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
Officer #2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer #2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer #2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer #2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer #2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer #2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:10 PM
You know you're lost in cyberspace when...
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list AND NOW U R LOL at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends...you know you want to! ;>)
darcy. [I`m in love.] 7:01 PM If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that:
electricians can be delighted
musicians denoted
cowboys deranged
models deposed
tree surgeons debarked
and dry cleaners depressed?
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:59 PM Jeff and Steve are out hunting in the middle of nowhere. They've been sitting there for hours when, all of a sudden, Steve just keels over.
Jeff grabs his cell phone and calls 911. "My buddy just dropped dead!", he yells.
The 911 operator speaks very calmly and says, "OK...just relax...let me help you. First...let's make sure he's dead."
"OK." There's a short pause, then a loud bang like a gun firing. Then, Joe picks up the phone again.
"OK...what now?"
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:58 PM A panda walks into a diner, pulls up a chair and orders a sandwich.
After he eats, he pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and heads for the door.
The owner yells, "Hey...you just shot the waiter, and now you're gonna leave without paying the tab?"
The panda calls back: "I'm a panda, dude. Look it up!" and walks out.
The owner grabs a dictionary and looks up panda:
"A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinctive black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:57 PM Incredibly, John had survived to the final round of his favorite TV game show.
The host looked at his cue cards and said, "John...this last question is for ALL the marbles. That means there's a MILLION dollars on the line!"
"But this is a two-part question. Here's a hint: The second half is easier. Which part would you like to try first?"
"Well, Alex...I think I'll try the second part!"
"Alright, John...here we go. (cues the music) Here's the question: 'And in what year did it happen?'"
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:55 PM Thank you for calling The Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1...repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are anal-retentive, please hold.
If you have anxiety-related disorder, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything...
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:49 PM "FINE":
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"FIVE MINUTES"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
"NOTHING"
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine.'
"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word "Fine."
"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
"LOUD SIGH"
This is not actually a word, but is a onverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
"SOFT SIGH"
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
"THAT'S OKAY"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
"GO AHEAD"
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
"THANKS"
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
"THANKS A LOT"
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:47 PM It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time. This little test should get you started.During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director which is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
Okay, here's your test: (Those with an abnomal tendency will scroll to the bottom to get the answer before taking the test.)
1. Would you use the spoon??
2. Would you use the teacup??
3. Would you use the bucket??
"Oh, I understand," said the visitory. "A normal person would choose the bucket since it is larger than the teacup or spoon.""No," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."So how did you do?
darcy. [I`m in love.] 9:11 PM World's easiest quiz.
Passing requires only 4 correct answers....a measly 40%.
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
All done? Check your answersbelow!
Scroll Down
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?
Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert
8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange, of course.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 9:03 PM The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered on the first ring, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?". "Yes.", whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?", the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?". "Yes.", came the answer. "May I talk with her?". Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?", the boss asked the child.
"Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?".
"No, he's busy.", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?".
"A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,
"They're looking for me!"
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:44 PM
ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS from the Psychological Realm......
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Have you drugged your kids today?"
"You're just jealous because the voices talk to me."
"I do what the voices in my head tell me to do."
"Just because everyone's out to get me doesn't mean I'm paranoid."
"I'm not paranoid, it's just that the world's out to get me."
"Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you."
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:41 PM
TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS
9. Your firstborn is named dotcom.
8. You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7. You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period.com
4. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3. You move into a new home and decide to netscape before you landscape.
2. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
DRUM ROLL PLEASEAND THE NO. 1 SIGN THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS:
1. Immediately after reading this list, you post it on your blog.:)
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:38 PM A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. These are great:
As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.
No News Is... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust.. Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow Your Nose. Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:35 PM
u want to know somehting really really funny?
from the results, you get on top other searches.
click 'really funny stuff'
on that page, click the further search for 'really really funny stuff'
this goes oonnnn.. and onnnn.. see how long it lasts:D
good luck:D
darcy. [I`m in love.] 8:25 PM I'm in a rush now!! gtg leave my place to go have fondue and bbq at my aunts place... just thot i;d leave u all with a lil laugh!
Click on this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plSfKHZZwZ4&search=Japanese%20english%20lesson
darcy. [I`m in love.] 6:46 PM I don't know how true some of these are, but I don't think that's the point. Isn't it really handy to have something witty to say when the conversation is dragging? For instance, if someone sneezes, you will now be able to tell them that water just came screaming out of their mouth at 60mph instead of giving them the boring old "Gesundheit!" What more could you ask for?
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes...when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "good night, sleep tight" came from.
2. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
3. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, GP
4. The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver."
5. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
6. The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
7. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year, so be careful.
8. One of the longest one-syllable words in the English language is screeched. (Strengths is another one.)
9. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
10. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
11. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
12. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
13. There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
14. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
15. Typewriter is the only ten letter word you can type on the top row of your keyboard.
16. A 10 foot tall emu was spotted walking the streets of New York in 1973, it had accidently escaped from a circus that specialized in large exotic birds. When police questioned the circus owners they responded saying "George was constipated, so we thought a run around the grounds may help him feel better" Police fined the circus 25 dollars, and 5 months later a bi-law was passed stating that all emus within New York City must be on a leash.
17. Things that are Canadian, or invented by Canadians: Mike Myers, Michael J. Fox, Jim Carey, Basketball, the 24 time zone divisions, Hockey, Apple Pie and the reason the Whitehouse is white. The Canadians burned the capital to the ground, and the US repainted it. 18. 65% of statistics are made up.
19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes.
20. If Barbie were life size her measurements would be 39-23-33
21. A duck's quack does echo, despite rumors to the contrary. 1 2 3
22. Pinocchio is Italian for pine eye (Pino is Italian for pine, Occhio is Italian for eye)
23. Camels milk doesn't curdle.
24. Murpheys oil soap is a chemical commonly used to wash elephants.
25. Porcupines float in water.
26. Cats urine glows under a black light.
27. Blueberry jelly beans were especially made for Ronald Reagan.
28. In every episode of Seinfeld there's a superman somewhere.
29. Checkmate comes from the Persian phrase "shah mat" which means the king is dead.
30. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds while dogs have only ten.
31. 91% of Americans lie daily.
32. "two plus eleven" and "one plus twelve" not only give the same result but use the same letters
33. With lunchables you have 50% less crackers then toppings. To use them all with no left overs you would have to do two toppings per cracker.
34. When you sneeze water can come out of your mouth at speeds of 60mph.
35. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite
36. On a Canadian 2 dollar bill the flag flying over the parliament building appears to be an American flag. It's actually Canada's earlier flag of the Red Ensign.
37. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated
38. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar
39. Almonds are a member of the peach family
40. There are 366 dimples on a regulation golf ball
41. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge
42. "Angry" and "hungry" are the only words in the English language ending in "-gry" (although gry is a word, it does not *end* in -gry, since a suffix requires the word before it to be a word) 43. Sloths are actually fast, they just prefer to move at a slow pace
44. There are only two families who produced a father and son who were US presidents: Bush and Adams.
45. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes
46. Humans and horses are the only two animals that have hymens
47. Polish is the only word in the english language that has two completely different meanings when the first letter is capitalized.
48. The longest word in the English language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniccounioisis
49. Margaret Kerry was the live action model for Walt Disney's Tinkerbell.
50. 111,111,111 * 111,111,111 = 12345678987654321
51. The average human lies at least twice a day.
52. Before Late Night Television, Jay Leno appeared in an episode of Laverne and Shirley.
53. In "American Graffiti", the license plate on Richard Dreyfusses' car is changed every time you see it.
54. Humans, dolphins and apes are the only mammals that have sex for pleasure.
55. The shortest 5 syllable word in the english language is ideology.
56. "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
57. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
58. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
59. There are more chickens than people in the world.
60. Two thirds of the world's eggplants are grown in New Jersey.
61. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
62. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
63. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
64. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
65. Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
66. The only real people to be heads on a Pez dispenser are Betsy Ross, Daniel Boone and Paul Revere (source).
67. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
68. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
69. A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
70. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
71. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
72. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
73. Who's that playing the piano on the "Mad About You" theme? Paul Reiser himself.
74. In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak during a debate.
75. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
76. Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.
77. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
78. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
79. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
80. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in ten different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman swam through the lough at Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
81. The verb "cleave" is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.
82. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
83. Facetious, abstemious and arsenious contain all the vowels in the correct order.
84. The sloth's metabolism is so slow that it can stay under water for more than 30 minutes and not drown.
85. Spanish moss is a close relative of the pineapple.
86. "A quick sly fox jumped over the lazy brown dog" has every letter in the alphabet. So does "The five boxing wizards jump quickly."
87. 'Cash Lost In 'Em' is an anagram of 'Slot Machines'
88. Horses can't throw up (Explanation)
89. A turkey can drown if it looks up while it's raining.
90. The term "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass mokey" started when sailors in the navy witnessed the stack of cannon balls tumble off a steel plate called a brass monkey in winters on the oceans.
91. The electric door bell was invented by Joseph Henry in 1831.
92. The wingspan of a Boeing 747 (~ 213 feet) is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight (~ 120 feet).
93. Alexander Graham Bell refused to have a phone in his study - the ringing drove him nuts. 94. Hostess Twinkies are 68% air.
95. Time Magazine's "Man" of the Year in 1982: The Personal Computer.
96. Lewis Carroll wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland standing up.
97. The smallest unit of time is the yoctosecond, which is .000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 second.
98. Elvis had a pet monkey named Scatter.
99. The average adult has 5 million hair follicles.
100. Only female ducks quack. The males coo, hoto, honk and grunt, but they don't quack.
101. Pumice is the only rock that floats.
102. 20% of all publications sold in Japan are comic books.
103. The average American consumes 87 hot dogs a year.
104. The tallest mountain on earth is not Mt. Everest, it's Hawaii's Mauna Kea, 31,800 feet from the ocean floor.
105. The right rear tire on your car will generally wear out before the others do.
106. Superglue will not stick to Teflon.
107. Insects outnumber people 1 million to one.
108. After spending 84 days in Skylab, astronauts found that they were 2 inches taller.
109. Enter the value 0.1134 on your calculator, then turn it upside down. You've just written "hello."
110. There is 1 slot machine in Las Vegas for every 8 inhabitants.
111. Every year, 5,000 people injure themselves shooting pool.
112. 80% of all life on Earth is found in the ocean.
113. Sneakers were invented in 1917. They were called Keds.
114. A survey of people's greatest fears had the following results: 1) Heights, 2) Snakes, 3) Spiders, 4) Public speaking.
115. The average IQ of police officers is 104.
116. Timothy Leary was the godfather of actresses Uma Thurman and Winona Ryder.
117. All of your body's functions, even your heart, stop when you sneeze.
118. The average American family spends more on taxes than on food, clothing and shelter combined.
119. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of where they grew up.
120. In almost every language on earth, the word for Mother begins with the letter 'M'.
121. If you counted 100 stars a minute, it would take 2,000 years to count all the stars in our galaxy.
122. Every day, 1 acre of trees produces enough oxygen for 18 people.
123. If Earth were the size of an apple, its atmosphere would be thinner than the skin.
124. Before Columbus arrived in the Americas, no native american had type B blood.
125. Pintos and Palominos are colors, not breeds, of horses.
126. An adult takes an average of 16 breaths a minute.
127. The best-selling passenger car ever was the VW Beetle. At least 22 million have been sold since 1937.
128. How long is a million seconds? 11.5 days.
129. A french kiss is known as an english kiss in France.
130. What do Albert Einstein, Tom Cruise and Walt Disney have in common? Dyslexia.
131. Scientists say the easiest sound for the human ear to hear is "Ah."
132. When Astronauts returned from the moon, they had to go through customs.
133. The average adult laughs 7 to 8 times a day.
134. Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.
135. It takes 7 shuffles to thoroughly mix a 52-card deck.
136. The index finger on the Statue of Liberty is 8 feet long.
137. The 7 deadly sins are: Pride, envy, wrath, sloth, avarice, gluttony, lust.
138. The 7 virtues are: Faith, hope, charity, fortitude, prudence, justice, temperance.
139. The 7 dwarfs are: Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Doc.
140. The 7 seas are: Red, Adriatic, Black, Caspian, Mediterranean, Persian Gulf, Indian Ocean. 141. Napoleon was not short as many people think. He was in fact 5 foot 6 1/2 inches, which is slightly taller than the average French man at the time. The cause of the confusion was that in his autopsy it was said he was 5 foot 2 inches, but that was in French feet.1
142. The top speed of a racing pigeon in flight is 110mph.
143. A bison can jump as high as 6 feet off the ground.
144. It's impossible for most people to lick their elbow (try it).
145. A human yell would take 3 1/2 hours to travel from New York to San Francisco.
146. Princeton professor John W. Tukey coined the term "software" in 1958.
147. The average cost of a movie in 1940 was 24ยข
148. Aristotle stuttered.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 11:02 PM 1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president.
6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rats hindquarters whether or not someone notices your new haircut.
9. The world is your urinal.
10. You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too icky."
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100.
14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. You know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
25. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
26. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
28. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
29. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
30. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
31. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
32. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
33. You almost never have strap problems in public.
34. You don't mind wrinkles in your clothes.
35. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
37. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
38. You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
39. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
40. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes. 41. You can pack for a trip in less than a half hour.
42. Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed.
43. Facial hair is a good thing.
44. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
45. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
46. You can write your name in the snow.
47. You can take your shirt off on a hot day.
48. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
49. Gray hair adds character.
50. With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory. 51. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
52. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
53. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
54. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
55. You don't care if the toilet seat is left up.
56. One acronym that doesn't pertain - PMS.
57. You don't have to wear makeup.
58. You can think about girls all the time and it's alright.
59. You can lean down to pick something up without having to worry about your shirt hanging open.
60. You don't get pregnant.
61. You don't take hours and hours to get ready.
62. You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive.
63. You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken.
64. Homer Simpson makes perfect sense.
65. You don't have to worry about breaking a nail.
66. Complaints about something being to heavy are kept to yourself.
67. Your eyes can remain open when you step on the scale.
68. You can take pride in breaking wind.
69. A shower only takes a few minutes and the drain doesn't get clogged with hair.
70. No stretch marks.
71. Beauty and the Beast (average guys can get hot girls).
72. You don't go around asking your buddies whether the pants you're wearing make your butt look big.
73. You get praise for doing things around the house once in a while.
74. A hair cut costs less than $20
75. Three shirts and two pairs of pants are enough clothes for a month.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 10:53 PM
1. I have to floss my cat.
2. I've dedicated my life to linguini.
3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
4. The President said he might drop in.
5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
6. I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7. I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8. It's my parakeet's bowling night.
9. It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10. I'm building a pig from a kit.
11. I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
12. I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13. There's a disturbance in the Force.
14. I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15. I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
16. I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18. I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
19. I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20. My crayons all melted together.
21. I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22. I'm in training to be a household pest.
23. I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
24. My patent is pending.
25. I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
26. I'm sandblasting my oven.
27. I'm worried about my vertical hold.
28. I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29. I'm being deported.
30. The grunion are running.
31. I'll be looking for a parking space.
32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33. The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34. I'm taking punk totem pole carving. 3
5. I have to fluff my shower cap.
36. I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37. I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
40. I have to fulfill my potential.
41. I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
42. It's too close to the turn of the century.
43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44. My subconscious says no.
45. I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46. I left my body in my other clothes.
47. The last time I went out, I never came back.
48. I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49. I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
50. None of my socks match.
51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52. I'm having all my plants neutered.
53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
55. I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
56. I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58. I'm touring China with a wok band.
59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60. I never go out on days that end in "Y."
61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62. I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63. I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
64. I'm too old/young for that stuff.
65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.
66. I have too much guilt.
67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
68. I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
69. I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71. I feel a song coming on.
72. I'm trying to be less popular.
73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
74. I have to bleach my hare.
75. I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
76. I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77. You know how we psychos are.
78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
79. I have to study for a blood test.
80. I'm going to be old someday.
81. I've been traded to Cincinnati.
82. I'm observing National Apathy Week.
83. I have to rotate my crops.
84. My uncle escaped again.
85. I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87. I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89. I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
92. I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93. I have to jog my memory.
94. My palm reader advised against it.
95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100. I'm trying to cut down.
101. My asthma is acting up again
102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.
103. You're ugly, I'm busy, have a nice day
104. Its my goldfish's birthday
105. Uh, I have stuff to do.
106. I have to make an air sandwich
107. I have to hide the bodies.
108. I don't have time to go on a date...with YOU!
109. I have to wash my hair.
110. I have to clean my toilet
111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker
112. I need to clean the air in my room
113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.
114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that's highly contagious.
115. My gerbil is getting married.
116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor
117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.
118. I had to rob your house
119. That's the night I reorganize my rock collection.
120. Pinnochio is on tonight
121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.
122. I don't date outside my species
123. Sorry I think I'm gay
124. I have to go...........over..............there.
125. My butt is to big in this dress
126. I have to take out the trash
127. My dog had baby kittens.
128. I can't, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.
129. I have to go shopping for my mother.
130. I'm sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.
131. No
132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it's body
133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment
134. I can't I was asked to go to another party w/o you
135. I don't date goats!
136. Ally Mcbeal is on
137. I'm reading with my widower
138. I have to brush my teeth.
139. Alf comes on soon
140. I'm sick.
141. I've had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
142. I'm busy cleaning the blood off my axe
143. My dad said I can't date till I am married
144. I'm shaving my dog.
145. It's against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
146. My grandma is on fire.
147. I'm getting married tonight.
148. I'm engaged.
149. I don't want to ruin our friendship.
150. I have family in town.
151. I just washed my hair.
152. It's that time of the month again.
153. My father's grandmother's aunt's mother died.
154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.
155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma's birthday.
156. I left my tolerance in another coat.
157. I just got back together with my ex
158. I don't like people.
159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)
160. I might see someone who knows me.
161. My brother's sister's mum's son's dad died.
162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.
163. My pet snake is constipated again.
164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).
165. I have to teach my pig to sing.
166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).
167. My dog is too tired.
168. I never said I'd go out with you, that was my evil twin.
169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.
170. There's a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
171. I'm washing the sofa.
172. I have to milk my cow.
173. Everquest.
174. I don't want to miss Martha Stewart's premiere.
175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.
176. I'm too busy watching the paint dry.
177. The "Rocky" marathon is on that night.
178. I promised my mum I'd bathe the hamster.
179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.
180. I need to clip my nose hairs.
181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.
182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
183. I'm gay.
184. I don't like you.
185. My goat broke a horn.
186. I have to go to the dentist.
187. I have to brush my dog's teeth.
188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.
189. I'm going to the moon.
190. My water wings are flat.
191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.
192. I'm going to be playing with my mental blocks.
193. I have to wax the driveway.
194. I'm not into dating right now.
195. I'm teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.
196. I'm teaching my dog to meow.
197. I have to watch Oprah.
198. I like you, but my friends said I can't go out with you.
199. I like your best friend.
200. I'm complicated to go out with.
201. I just found out we're related.
202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.
darcy. [I`m in love.] 10:31 PM
20 ways to maintain ur insanity
20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN YOUR INSANITY:
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish All Your Sentences With; "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't Use Any Punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend their Party because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You by Your Wrestling Name, Rock-Hard.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
20. spread the message around to visit my blog!!!!!
darcy. [I`m in love.] 10:24 PM
